Suspension of Disbelief

Our love will never die. It will transcend time and space, life and death, despair and destruction; no matter what befalls us, or our world, we will remain together. Our souls, the essence of our love, were created together; we have lived together; we will die together. Even after our deaths, we shall remain, as one…

An ambulance’s siren rang in my ears. My legs quivered, and I sank to the ground. I broke out into a cold sweat, and the world was swimming before my eyes. But all of that didn’t matter. Nothing really mattered anymore. Gabriel’s body lay next to me, no longer recognisable. I didn’t even bother thinking about what would happen to me; my life no longer had any real meaning. Before too long, his body was taken away in the ambulance. I didn’t really take much notice of what else happened; I think that somebody tried to help me, not that that made much of a difference. I must have passed out soon afterwards – the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital bed that I am still in now. I laughed to myself once I realised where I was, although there isn’t anything particularly funny about my situation – nobody, much less these people, will be able to help me.

* * *

Today was amazing. Everything just seemed to go my way. Eve and I spent the entire day together, and we were so happy. I didn’t expect today to go so well; we’ve been fighting a lot lately, mostly about stupid things. I’m glad that we’re still able to have as much fun together as we did when we met. I suppose I can’t expect it to be like this for too long, though. Things have to get worse again sooner or later. But even then, I know for sure that in the end, everything will work out for us.

We met about a year ago, and almost right away, we discovered that we were comfortable talking about things with each other that we weren’t with anybody else. A remarkably short time later, we realised just how special we are to each other, and we’ve been growing closer to each other ever since. I know that she’d do anything to make me happy, and I would do the same for her. I am certain that we’ll be able to do that for each other for the rest of our lives.

* * *

Well, maybe I was thinking too far ahead before. There may be hope for Gabriel and me yet… the technology, however, is only in its primary stages, and the doctors don’t know exactly what will happen, but I’ll be there for him no matter what happens. I have to be. I’m not sure if this is what I want for us, though… he’s happy now, but if he finds out what has happened to him… I suppose it’s best not to think about that right now.

Prior to Gabriel’s… accident… we had been arguing a bit, but aside from that, everything had been going amazingly. I woke up every day smiling, and when I was with him, everything was just perfect. I’m not sure if things will ever be like that again, but I can’t give up. I have to be as strong as I can, for him. Still… I can’t help but miss him and the time we spent together.

I realised that I may as well take this time to focus on my hobbies, particularly painting. I didn’t ever really learn how to paint; it just seemed to come to me naturally. I think I’ve always been able to just sit down, pick up a brush and pour my inner feelings into my art. Today I painted for the first time in… I don’t know how long exactly, but it’s been a very long time. I don’t know exactly what it was that I started to paint; I just let the brush move, almost as if it was painting rather than me. I didn’t finish my artwork, but I felt a lot better after painting, almost as if the canvas had taken away my negative feelings. I suppose I’ll be doing a lot of painting from now on…

* * *

Our research is going according to plan. The test subject’s vitals are normal, and as we have slightly altered his very recent memory, he doesn’t seem to be showing any signs of suspicion about his current situation. We have, however, discovered something that none of us even thought to be possible. His brain seems to be subconsciously taking advantage of his situation, manipulating everything to its own advantage. We will have to be careful and ensure that this doesn’t turn out badly, for our research, or for him.

If we are successful, it will mean a new era of science for the entire world, and we will be a great deal closer to understanding the inner workings of the human mind. We’re not doing this for credit, of course… if anybody found out what we’re doing, we would be criticised beyond belief, and we would never be able to finish our research… and, of course, we would be left with no choice but to terminate the life of the test subject.

* * *

Today was… interesting. Emily, an old friend of mine who I haven’t seen in a few years moved next door to me, and Eve had to spend the day working, so Emily and I spent some time together. I had a lot of fun together with her, but it obviously wasn’t nearly the same as it would have been with Eve. Still, we can’t always spend time with the people we love the most. If we did, the time spent together with them would lose its meaning, and become a lot less special. I think I’m finally starting to see things for how they really are, and surprisingly, I couldn’t be happier; it seems like my life is actually heading in the direction I want it to.

* * *

I decided to paint outside for a change today, and I knew that it was a good decision almost right away. The cool, gentle breeze and the sun’s radiant warmth put me in the perfect state of mind to paint, and I felt almost no tension. I just closed my eyes, relaxed, and let my hand do all the work, almost like it could sense invisible marks on the canvas and was giving each of those marks their own colour, their own emotions. When I paint, I have no real sense of time, and when I opened my eyes, I noticed that it was getting dark already, so I decided that I had painted enough for the day. Before packing up, however, I gazed upon my day’s work; right in the middle of the canvas lay what appeared to be a human brain, being stroked by a somewhat feminine human hand. My artwork is turning out to be extremely peculiar, even by my artistic standards, but I suppose I should continue with it; I’ll be surprised if the end product isn’t highly interesting. After all, whoever’s brain that is, I doubt it’s very healthy for it to be in such close contact with something so potentially dangerous. I wonder… no, there’s no point in worrying about things. All I can do is hope and pray that Gabriel… that we’ll be okay when all of this is over.

* * *

No… this isn’t right. This isn’t like me. How could I have done something like that? I spent the day with Emily again, and… well, no. I can’t hide the truth. She isn’t simply an old friend, like I said she was before. A long time ago, before I met Eve, and when I was still going to university, Emily and I were… together. After almost a year of being together, she and her family had to leave the country for business reasons, and after that we sort of drifted apart. But today… I suddenly… I can’t explain it. How could this happen? I love Eve, and nobody else. But, when I was with Emily… an unbelievably intense feeling of l– no, it couldn’t have been love. Whatever it was… I couldn’t control it. And we… no, I can’t even bring myself to think about what we did. What’s going to happen if Eve finds out? I can’t tell her. I know I have to. I know I’m betraying her trust. But if she knew… no, I can’t hurt her like that. I’m so, so sorry, Eve. Please forgive me for what I’ve done. I promise you, I will make everything up to you… no matter what. I have to.

* * *

We have no way of knowing exactly what has happened to the test subject, but according to his brain signals, he is experiencing feelings of extreme distress and depression. We have to maintain his emotional status, or else everything could metaphorically, and possibly even literally, burst into flames. In a situation such as this, his conscious may realise that he is in a false reality, or even worse, his sub-conscious may decelerate his brain’s activity, practically shutting it down. This, of course, would be one of the worst things that could happen to us; our experiment would be a failure, and we certainly wouldn’t be able to afford to start it again. Perhaps an ideal world where one’s desires come true isn’t the utopia that many seem to think it is…

* * *

Earlier today, the scientists went into further detail about their experiment, and what they’re using Gabriel for. They told me that his brain is hooked up to a machine that sends signals to it, stimulating its activity and making it believe that he’s still living normally. He is able to sense everything like he normally would, except that what he’s sensing isn’t actually there. He is living in his own false reality, a world in which he is the only thing that truly exists. They also told me that they believe that he is feeling unusually depressed, although they have no way of knowing why. If only I could really be there for him. I… I hope that his reality’s version of me is able to help him just as much. He really doesn’t deserve any of this. He doesn’t deserve to be lied to, to be placed in a false reality. But… it is the only possible way for him to stay alive. I owe him that… I can’t let him leave this world. Not for a long, long time. Oh, please, Gabriel… please be okay.

* * *

Eve sensed that something was wrong when we were together today. I know I’m doing the wrong thing by not telling her, I know it. But I can’t bring myself to hurt her. She doesn’t deserve to feel any pain whatsoever. I have to make this all up to her, though… so I tried to give her as good a day as I possibly could. We met in the park, and she knew that something was wrong almost right away. “Are you okay, Gabriel?” she asked worriedly.
“…I’m fine,” I replied, my voice shaking slightly, “I just…” My voice trailed off, and I held her, close to me. “I love you, Eve. I won’t ever stop,” I told her sincerely.
“I know, Gabriel, and I love you, too,” she responded, just as sincerely, “but something is wrong, I can tell. I know you better than anybody else does, and besides, it’s not like it’s difficult to see.”
“Just… don’t worry about me, please. I want you to have a really good day. Everything’s okay, really,” I assured her, trying to sound happy. We didn’t speak about that kind of thing afterwards, but I know that she’s still worrying about me, and that really breaks my heart. She doesn’t deserve to worry. I… I don’t even deserve her anymore, not after what I did. But we’re meant to be together. I don’t know exactly how I know that, but I do. And nothing will ever, ever separate us. I won’t let it, no matter what happens.

* * *

I finished my painting today. I guess I was able to finish the rest of it so quickly because well… the rest of the painting doesn’t have any recognisable shapes or objects in it. I don’t know how to describe it… a casual observer would probably just see it as a jumble of random shapes and colours, because really, that’s all it is. But for some reason… whenever I look at my creation… I get the feeling that someone, somewhere is trying to tell me that something is terribly wrong. Something important to me. Even when I’m not looking at it… now that I’ve finished it, a fraction of the feeling of despair seems to linger with me no matter what I do. There’s only one thing that I know will make me feel better… being with Gabriel. But I can’t be with him, can I? And… really, all of this is my fault.

Right before the accident, we had an enormous fight. He told me that even though we were meant for each other, and even though we will always love each other, we won’t be able to stay together happily unless we see the realistic sides of things as well. He said that the real world isn’t a fairy tale, and unless we try hard to avoid them, and even if we do, bad things will happen to us; and when they do, unless we work hard to make everything as it should be once more, things won’t ever work out properly. He was right, of course… I knew that he was, really, I just… didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to believe that we were different from everybody else, that no matter what happened, we’d always be together, in complete happiness. We are different from most other people… not everyone shares a special connection with another person like we do with each other. But still, he was right. We don’t live in a fairy tale… and everything that has happened since that argument has proven it.

We were at my house when we were arguing… I should have stayed there with him. I should have listened to him, and worked together with him to sort out the argument, but no, I had to desert him. I guess he must have stayed there for a while, but I went out to get something to drink. My memory from that night is a little hazy, but I suppose I must have had a lot to drink… I was really upset, after all, about us arguing, and about what he said being the truth. After drinking for a while, I realised how utterly stupid I was for deserting him, and, even more stupidly, I got in my car and headed back home, to be with him… I guess he was driving to his home, which was in the opposite direction, and as drunk as I was, I… I can’t even bear to think about it. But it’s my fault he’s living in his current state. It’s my fault he’s almost dead. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly forgive myself. Given that… will he ever be able to forgive me? Either way… I need to be with him. I have to find a way. For him… no, for us. I have to listen to what he said… I have to think hard, and do whatever I can. I have to be together with him again. I promise you, Gabriel, I will find a way, and I will make sure that we aren’t ever, ever taken away from each other again.

* * *

We have received a remarkably unusual request from the test subject’s significant other. She has asked to have her brain removed from her body and connected to the current test subject’s brain, so that they will be able to live in the same world together. We had never even thought of the idea of simulating and interconnecting the same false reality for more than one brain, and we were very surprised that somebody so young was able to come up with it. This course of action does, of course, have its risks, which we have explained in full detail to our future test subject, but she adamantly insists that we should carry out her idea. We have decided to grant her request, as it will certainly allow us to gain more knowledge about the human mind than we previously thought possible. We have also allowed her to reveal to our current test subject that he is living in a false reality; we suspect that if she was not allowed to do so, he would figure it out before too long anyway, due to the connection of their minds. The only other possible option would be to alter the memories of our future test subject, but we are unfortunately unable to do so to such a large extent. We can only hope that nothing happens that will ruin our experiment; if it is ruined, our future test subject will be unable to return to her body, and she will have virtually thrown her life away.

We recently discovered that our current test subject has stopped subconsciously altering his false reality to suit himself, most likely as a result of his dramatic emotional change. While we cannot be certain, we are quite sure that the connection of his brain to our future test subject’s will mean that her subconscious will not alter their reality either. It is also quite likely that in either case, the test subjects will not need to alter their reality to accommodate their desires; from tests that we have conducted, we have concluded that both test subjects feel their most positive emotions when thinking about each other. Let us hope that this fact remains true; we have no idea what could happen to either or both of them if something happened to change their feelings for each other.

* * *

We are together once more. Of course, we were always together in spirit, but now we can see each other, listen to each other, hold each other. Even though this “reality” of ours may be a false one, we are together, and that is all that matters. Each of us has something important to tell the other, things that would likely destroy most other relationships; we, however, are not separated that easily. We will tell each other when we feel that the time is right, and when we do, we will forgive each other, and help each other to forgive ourselves. We now exist together, in our own world, closer than ever before. We do not know for how long this world of ours will last, but no matter what happens, even if it is destroyed, even if our minds are destroyed, we will always be together, closer than any two people ever have been, and closer than any two people ever will be. Our love will never die.

~ ~ ~

Test Subject #6047,

We have been observing your reactions and emotions while you have been reading this story... it is amusing how one can be so emotionally attached to characters that one knows are fictional, isn't it? We... regret to inform you that the people around you who you believed to be real are just as fictional. Our research is almost complete. Unfortunately, however, we have come to the conclusion that this field of research is too costly to continue with for much longer, and the longer we continue with it, the higher the chance of a rival organisation sabotaging and stealing our work and ideas… we sincerely hope that you thoroughly enjoy the short remainder of your "life".
–The Research Team